I'm particularly intrigued by the role of the caregiver, a role often thrust upon those by chance. The job becomes theirs whether the person they are caring for is someone they adore or someone with whom they've had a conflicted relationship. Caregivers are often assuming the role of "the strong one"--creating an illusion of togetherness. The truth is, caregivers need outside support too.
In the book Learning from The Heart, Daniel Gottlieb talks about his experience of being a caregiver, and being on the receiving end of caregiving. I think his advice on self-help for the caregiver and those being cared for is very useful. Gottlieb says,
"Organizations like the Well Spouse Foundation do a terrific job. But there is another source of care for caregivers. And it can be life sustaining. If you are taking care of me and you love me, ask me what it's like for me to be ill and to be taken care of. And then just listen. And then--this part is very important--tell me what all of this is like for you. What are your losses and fears? Tell me about all of your mixed feelings and hopefully I'll be able to listen, hold your hand, smile, and feel deeply about your life. That will help you. That will help me. If we wear kid gloves when interacting with one another, we will never get to make genuine contact with the people we love and need the most."
In her book Wounded Hearts, Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, co-founder and medical director of the Commonweal Cancer Help Program, quotes a woman addressing the mother who has been her caregiver. The poem begins with a quote of her mother's oft-repeated advice. The response is that of her daughter. The poem is titled "Mother Knows Best."
Don't talk
about your troubles
No one loves a sad face.
Oh, Mom.
The truth is
cheer isolates,
humor defends,
competence intimidates,
control separates,
and sadness......
sadness opens us to each other.
I have to admit, I'm an ignorant Irish woman. Therefore, I feel the need to share this information with all my ignorant counterparts.
"Luck O The Irish" is actually an ironic phrase. The Irish have been, and are, a spectacularly unlucky race. The "luck of the Irish" is BAD luck. The original and proper use of this irony goes clear back to the Old Country and migrated to America early on. Nowadays many speakers and writers misuse the phrase to imply GOOD luck.
Luck of the Irish owes its origin to the U.S.A. When they arrived, the Irish were very disliked, treated badly, despised and hated. When the Irish had any kind of success most Americans at the time didn't think they were capable of such successes, so they called it luck. Hence the term "Luck of the Irish."
Now go forth my unlucky leprechauns & grab some hooch!!!!
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Some of my favorite Irish Celebs...
I just finished reading The Anatomy of Hope by Jerome Groopman, M.D. This book is absolutely wonderful, and I highly recommend it, especially to all those working in health professions. Through Groopman's encounters with many extraordinary people, several of them patients, he seeks to answer why some people find and sustain hope during difficult circumstances, while others do not. Spanning thirty years of experience, starting from the time he was a medical student, Groopman's critical observations, deep compassion, and appreciation for the human condition are touching and astounding.
About the author:
Jerome Groopman has been a staff writer in medicine and biology for The New Yorker since 1998. He is also the Dina and Raphael Recanati Chair of Medicine at Harvard Medical School, Chief of Experimental Medicine at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, and author of four books. He has published approximately 150 scientific articles and has written several Op-Ed pieces on medicine for the New York Times, the Washington Post, and The New Republic. He is a hematology oncologist.
My favorite excerpt from the book:
"True hope, then, is not initiated and sustained by completely erasing the emotions, like fear and anxiety, that are often its greatest obstacles. An equilibrium needs to be established, integrating the genuine threats and dangers that exist into the proposed strategies to subsume them. So when a person tells me that he doesn't want to know about the problems and risks, that he believes ignorance is necessary for bliss, I acknowledge that yes, unbridled fear can shatter a fragile sense of hope. But I assert that he still needs to know a minimum amount of information about his diagnosis and the course of his problem; otherwise, his hope is false, and false hope is an insubstantial foundation upon which to stand and weather the vicissitudes of difficult circumstances. It is only true hope that carries its companions, courage and resilience, through. False hope causes them to ultimately fall by the wayside as reality intervenes and overpowers illusion.
Each disease is uncertain in its outcome, and within that uncertainty, we find real hope, because a tumor has not always read the textbook, and a treatment can have an unexpectedly dramatic impact. This is the great paradox of true hope: Because nothing is absolutely determined, there is not only reason to fear but also reason to hope."
-Jerome Groopman, M.D.
